Entering Ellie!

It’s been a long time since I wrote on this blog. When I started in December of 2016, I wrote because I needed to. I was struggling with the challenges of having infant twins, being back to work and feeling very alone in my journey but then quite a few things happened for me once I started writing. I let the positive back in. I got stuff off my chest. I was open to help. I received positive feedback and thanks for sharing my story. The last time I wrote was in September of 2017 and a lot has happened since then…

First, the twins grew up and got easier (and by easier, I definitely don’t mean easy!) They started sleeping through the night, feeding themselves and putting on their own shoes and now, they are in full day preschool and are happy, well adjusted almost four year olds! I can’t even believe it. So, for all your twin moms out there in the thick of the infant stage, the seasons will change! You will sleep again. You will change your last diaper! It happens fast too looking back so just try to stay in the moment as much as you can and enjoy the feedings and snuggles and baby smell because it does end and you are lucky to get double!

Second- I did an amazing health program successfully and became a Certified Health Coach. Now, in place of feeling overweight and alone, I am connected to many amazing, likeminded people who keep focused on the positive. I’ve made life long connections that have had such a monumental impact on my life and I am forever grateful to my twin mom friend and coach Candice for that. We are literally changing the world for the better and it inspires me every day! If you’re not inspired every day with what you do, we should talk!

Third- I had another kid. Sometimes I say that and honestly can’t even believe it, especially after reading some of these blog posts and I think we may have been a little crazy and rash in our decision. We had a really hard time with the twins… like some days I wasn’t sure we were actually going to make it. With Cole and Grace, we had a very scary and unique situation. Pregnancy was really hard. Delivery was a crazy emergency c-section situation at 28 weeks. Fifty-seven day NICU/Special Care Nursery stay. Postpartum depression. Literally zero sleep and I mean zero (did I mention I don’t know how we survived?). Very few people in my life who understood what it was like to raise infant, preemie twins. Pumping like crazy to support them. We never left the house. I couldn’t do anything alone. I was jealous of friends and family with one baby. A ton of doctor’s appointments. Early Intervention. IEP’s. The list could honestly go on and on.

Now, enter Eleanor Marie. Ellie was born on April 18, 2019 (a day before the 3rd anniversary of Grace and Cole’s due date!) She was 8 lbs., 3 ounces and 20.5 inches long and born via c-section at 39 weeks and 4 days. We did not know the sex prior to the delivery. She was absolutely beautiful and needed zero additional care. She was born at 5:33am on Thursday and we all went home late in the afternoon on Saturday. She would get up once or twice a night for a quick bottle and go right back to sleep. She ate, slept, pooped and cuddled her way through her first several months of life. She was absolutely perfect and easy! I honestly can’t even imagine life without her now. Our experience with her was pretty much the exact opposite of our experience with the twins.

I am not sharing any of this to make parents of one baby angry or make parents of multiples upset at how easy one can be. I’m sharing this because I truly believe we got what we deserved. The twins made me a mother. They taught me how hard it can be. They taught me how little I could run on and still come out the other side. They taught me how it feels to have your heart living outside your body. They taught me about survival and putting your babies first… you know, that side of motherhood. Ellie has also taught me what it means to be a mother. She’s taught me to cherish every moment because each day, your children are a day older. She taught me that there are days its okay to stay in your pajamas all day and look at your sleeping baby and not do anything else. She taught me that what I went through with Grace and Cole was way harder than I thought when I was living it and I’m giving myself credit and grace for it. After Cole and Grace, I am now able to be so appreciative of our experience with Ellie which is something many take for granted.

Now, I’ll go back to my first paragraph in this blog… I used to write because I needed to. I needed to get it all out. Over the past couple of years, I haven’t needed to so you haven’t heard from me. A friend of mine recently said to me, you should start writing again because you never know who you could help and I want to help. So here I am… writing again. Looking forward to sharing more soon!